Staying on Task with Kids and Adult ADHD – 10 Minutes at a Time

                   Staying on Task with Kids and Adult ADHD – 10 Minutes at a Time…    

    Since my son was born, I’ve had the privilege of working from home in various ways. I started as a nanny to my niece and nephews and my mornings were easy. I got myself ready, changed my son’s clothes, and off we went. I knew I had the option to go home or get anything I needed. When my youngest nephew started school, I started to deliver packages through Amazon Flex, and again, he just came with me. My favorite block to deliver was 5am because they were 4 hours max and 5am was the last of the “morning” blocks, so it had the least packages. I would buckle him in still asleep and usually be home by 8am. My work for the day was completed, and that felt good! This would still be my go-to except he has to be at school by 8am so this doesn’t fit the schedule anymore, which makes me sad! I loved finishing work so early and having the rest of the day to do whatever we wanted. 

    I’ve never been one of those people that can stick to a routine, or even be able to get to bed on time most days. However, I am now forced into a “mini routine” if you will. My son has to be at school by 8am, it has been an adjustment for both of us but we finally it figured out. I swear by a timer and I like to say we live our life in 10-minute increments. The 10-minute timer started when he was about 3.5 and was constantly seeking attention and wanting to play. He’s an only child which means Dad and I are his only play buddies. He will get his characters and tell us who to be and what to do and say to fit the narrative he had in his head. As you can imagine, this gets exhausting pretty quickly. It got to a point where we were losing our minds trying to juggle his needs and still be able to do anything else without a meltdown. So, we started setting a timer for how long we would play and then take a break. He would get 10 minutes of playtime and then I would get 10 minutes of whatever I needed to get done, or just a break. This worked well for him because he knew when the timer went off, he would get me back and I felt better about being able to still keep up with other things and still give him the attention he was craving. I will admit this gets harder as he gets older and his interests evolve, now I’m looking up how to mod Minecraft and then helping him play…. This is NOT a 10-minute task! None the less, we still use this 10-minute timer for many things.

Our Morning Routine Utilizing the 10-Minute Timer…

    In the morning I get his breakfast started and grab his clothes and ready his toothbrush etc. This takes about 10 minutes, no timer needed LOL. I wake him up and put on a show for him. He eats his breakfast watching his show and then our timers start. I’ve gotten it to where I can get away with one timer per morning now to signify leaving for school. However, it started with about 4, one for each task like eating, getting dressed, etc. His cousin comes over around 7:20 and I attempt to get him dressed prior to this, but its rare. Our first timer starts at 7:30 to get dressed, hair and teeth, and then another at 7:40 so that we leave at 7:50. I use the time in between to get his lunch and snack ready as well. 

10-Minute Rewards are Also Great

    This system also works well with rewards; I usually say he can have an extra 10 minutes of TV if he does this or that without a fit. In the afternoon we also use this for dinner and bath etc. It gives him enough time to adjust his mindset for the next task. If I were to just say to him that it was time for bath, lets go, he would have a meltdown because he didn’t have time to make that transition between activities. Then, at the end of the day he gets a 10-minute warning for bedtime and then his extra 10 minutes if he earned it or made a deal on something. It’s important that his extra 10 minutes earned is not just the 10 minutes I give him, it needs to be in addition to. I like to reiterate how he earned it so that type of behavior is remembered, and hopefully duplicated. We just use our timers for now but I would like to get to a point where we do daily tasks at the same time and incorporate a clock for this. Speaking of deals, we do a lot of those too. He has never been the type of kid to just do as I ask, he needs to know why and when and so on. He also likes to try to find a work around or a way to break it down, IE a loophole. This admittedly has been difficult for me because when I was a kid we didn’t ask why or try to negotiate. we just had to do it “because I said so.” So, we decided to make deals and negotiate with him because, quite frankly, there wasn’t really any other option. Thinking about it now, I am glad that he questions everything and thinks about how and why. Yes, it gets frustrating but he feels heard and is always a part of the decision making which I hope will bode well in adulthood. 

    Staying on task with kids and my new ADHD, it almost feels like I am learning to raise myself all over again, as a mother with ADHD. I’ve never had a routine but now that I have someone relying on me, I need one. While this is still new to me and I’m slowly learning, this is what has helped me the most. My friend has every step of their lives revolved around a schedule and I envy her so much! She has home cooked family dinners most nights, her kids are in bed on time, her house is always spotless and she’s always ready. I recently discovered I have ADHD at the ripe age of 37 and as I learn more about it, I am discovering a lot of my “issues” within myself stem from this disorder. I never thought I had it because I am not “hyper” but my brain is. Not that I am super smart by any means, but I just can’t think about one thing at a time or stick to one task at a time and I hyper focus.  More on this later… But I am discovering that I need to do better myself in order to set my son up for success as much as possible. And for now, its 10 minutes at a time